Denied Poppy

A short essay I wrote for my partner:

It’s better to keep me denied because I am more submissive, affectionate, obedient and loving when I am horny. I feel sexier and I will look at the mirror and actually believe that I am pretty. I always want sex, and blowjobs become necessary to release some of my frustration.

I am more compliant and more willing to do new things when I’m horny 'I'm not so keen on anal or bondage if I'm not denied, but if I am, I'm desperate for them. And it is amusing for you to watch my desperation, even when I get frustrated and upset and don’t want to do anything anymore.

I’m not satisfied with my sexual life when I am controlling my orgasms. It is better to keep me denied because I crave to be controlled. I want the choice taken away from me. If it was up to me, I would probably cum every day, and I would feel awful about it. I want to, need to, have you take my orgasms from me. It relaxes me and frees me. The abundance of choice is not really freedom at all. The opportunity to obey is real freedom.

I want this more than anything. Even though it makes me cry and whine and complain and shout and scream. Denial is my biggest fantasy, even more than spanking. It is better to keep me denied because it’s what I really want, deep down. Nothing arouses me more than you loving me, but being mean and cruel because you know it drives me wild. It’s the one thing that turns me on the most, that fucks with my head the most, that I dream about most often. Even when I am allowed to cum, I still fantasise about being denied, because that fantasy is the only way I can get over the edge.

It is better to keep me denied because it is better for you. I am a better girl when I am denied. I am a better wife. I am less focused on small insignificant things and more focused on arousal, mine and yours. I am more likely to want to dress up and shave and look pretty. I am more likely to make an effort for our relationship. 

It is better to keep me denied because it fucks with my mind. Ruins are better than real orgasms, because they offer some release but, in the end, they just make me hornier. Real orgasms are for other girls, not for me. I love that I am different. I love that it builds my self-control, and that it sets me apart, that it makes me special. I love how it fucks up my thoughts and that I become lighter, more confused, more like a doll. I love that it turns me into your fucktoy.

It is better to keep me denied because I am happier when you own my orgasms. I am calmer when you own me. And I think the secret to a successful marriage might be not letting me cum.

If you love me, you won't let me cum. It is always better when I'm denied.